The content of this post is based on the work of Carol Dweck on Mindset
See if you can figure out what’s wrong with this type of praise…
If you are anything like me a few years ago, you may not be able to see anything wrong with it.
Research by Carol Dweck on mindset helped me to understand otherwise.
When I discovered Dwecks work and started to learn about fixed and growth mindsets I realised that I had been creating a fixed mindset in my children simply by my use of language and approach to praise. I felt terrible. What had I done to them! Fortunately, further reading around neuroscience and neuroplasticity by authors such as Daniel Siegel and Norman Doidge to name a few, helped me to understand that it is never too late to make changes in the way we parent, communicate and use language – within our family (or even at work) All is not lost! Brains don’t stop growing!
So What is a Fixed and a Growth Mindset?
In a nutshell a fixed mindset as described by Carol Dweck is one that believes that all we can ever be is all we currently are. That we were born with our intelligence and there is no changing it, or the things we can achieve as a result of it. People with a fixed mindset may say to themselves ‘I can do this, but I can’t do that, I don’t have the talent for it’. Fear of failure and lack of persistence are often present.
In contrast, a growth mindset is one that believes that with hard work, effort and through learning from mistakes, you can build and increase your intelligence and ability to accomplish the things you want to accomplish. You might say to yourself, ‘that went wrong, so what can I learn so that I can improve on it next time’. People with this mindset are persistent and learn from both criticism other peoples successes.
Of course people are not usually either or but often a mixture of both.
How to Praise for a Growth Mindset
The reason that I began this post with praise is because we can help people develop a growth or fixed mindset, according to Dweck, by the way we praise. And the way we praise has a direct impact on how open we are to learning and building our intelligence.
The type of praise above creates a fixed mindset because it praises intelligence and natural talent instead of effort. Here they are again together with how each is perceived.
( If I have to try hard I am not clever)
(I had better not draw anything harder than this or they will think I am not good at it)
(If I take my time I’m not doing a good job)
(If I start to train it will mean I don’t have talent)
This type of praise as you can probably imagine has the potential to prevent effort, reduce motivation, can even lower grades and reduce self-esteem.
Instead, praise for effort instead of intelligence and persistence
Celebrate when your kids (or co-workers) do something that is hard or they make a mistake and try again.
Be specific and sincere when you praise. Keep it short and use observations and questions.
There is obviously a lot more to mindset than I have time to write here and I would love to hear from you.
If you would like to know more about mindset check out the workshops for term 3 (Sydney) in Imperfect Parenting. Also Parent coaching is available for those who prefer a one on one experience.
Otherwise let me know what you would like me to write more about.
References
Strengths Finder Assessment and Feedback
Doing Strengths Finder coaching has enabled me to see how I can make the most of my natural abilities. The test itself outlined 5 particular strengths but it was the coaching that meant I now know how to actually utilise this information. It is going to help me a great deal when it comes to my academic life and in particular how I can study in the most effective way. The coaching helps access the key to knowing your strengths and Deb has helped me devise a plan of how I can move forward with these skills. Her work with me has been vital to the Strengths Finder process and I would absolutely recommend the coaching as vital to finding your strengths.
Lotte, Sydney
Family Harmony Workshop for Parents
The course gave a great framework to build a more harmonious family - I find it difficult to explain to my teens why I don't like their behaviour but with this toolkit I am able to articulate this easily and less emotionally, resulting in better communication and a less charged atmosphere. Thanks Deb for the lifeline
Sue, Sydney
Team Building Facilitation and Coaching
As a new Manager to a newly formed team of eight staff, I engaged Deb to facilitate our first team planning day. The objective of the day was to identify a shared vision and to start a process of strategic planning for the next three years. The day was a great success and set the team up with greater clarity of purpose and a framework for future planning.
Deb demonstrated a great understanding of the team, its context and challenges. This was due to her careful and thorough planning and reflections prior to the day. Deb managed the varying levels of engagement among the team exceptionally well; she did this with the establishment of clear ground rules and a sense of trust and respect. Deb listened actively and regularly questioned for greater clarity before reflecting on the team’s contributions.
We ended the day with a clear vision that was shared and in which all members felt they had an investment. Deb followed up regularly after the session to check in on progress and to provide advice about next steps. We were extremely lucky to have been able to work with Deb at this important stage of the team’s development and I would not hesitate for a moment in engaging Deb again.
Angela Hehir, (Manager)
Business Leadership Coaching
Debra's help in getting me to focus on the strategic direction of my business and my work-life priorities has proven invaluable. She has the ability to ask simple questions to create greater clarity and focus in both work and personal goals. Debra is a great listener, follows up on her clients and creates a great support base for her clients through recommending network groups, courses and reading material. For those who want a leadership coach that goes that extra mile,
I highly recommend her.Yvette Audet, Sport & Recreation Management Services
360 degree feedback and Mentoring
Debra provided feedback on my 360 leader/manger profile. I have taken this style of development tool on two prior occasions and found the feedback underwhelming. This time I found that Debra has an empathetic and approachable feedback style. Previously I have felt very much that I was being placed in a stereotypical box.
I liked Debra,s approach and understood more that the outcomes of the survey reflect a favored management leadership style and this could be flexible. Debra is able to draw out your thoughts on how you feel others perceive you rather than preaching which was a great attribute.
We talked about the outcomes and the way forward and I was left with a comfortable feeling that I could achieve my higher aims. Debra provided positive feedback and kept in contact after the initial interview. Her trouble in organizing some key topic papers and net links was commendable. I hope very much to take Debra up on some future mentoring and would highly recommend Debra’s leadership skill set to you.
Professor Tim Lyons, Newcastle
Concrete personal career goals
I have appreciated my coaching sessions this year more than I can say. Deb has challenged me at every turn which I have loved, making me work hard to find my own solutions during an extremely professionally challenging year. This has been extremely satisfying.
I also now have concrete personal career goals and a plan on how to get there – non existent when I started coaching and really not something I consciously thought I needed. As a consequence I feel more focused and motivated for the next year and beyond.
Finally I would have to say my coaching session with Deb have been an absolute lifeline for me this year, keeping me on track, helping me to grow and learn and ultimately make a monumental shift in my approach and style as a leader. I am very grateful for her time, patience, humor and professionalism – I am certainly am better leader thanks to coaching with Deb.
Bernadette Hollis, Sydney
